Breaking it Down: Mania.

I can feel the post-depression-bounce-back mania beginning in my brain; not in my body, only in my brain. Manic symptoms started yesterday evening. Things started seeming clear, perhaps just a little too clear, and certainly a little too fast. Bipolar fast. I could suddenly rap all of Look at Me Now by Chris Brown completely from memory, I wrote a new poem completely from scratch, I planned a double date with a boyfriend I don't have, and I decided on the names of all my children. Rapid fire thoughts, manic thoughts, are slowly taking over.


A Manic Bipolar


“Are you ready for a miracle? Ready as I can be.” “Why is this grass so green? It must be watered.” “So tell me, do you think not responding to emails is rude?” “It’s about a ten minute walk that way.” “The opening scene should contain a description of my balcony.” “Are you ready for a miracle? Set yourself free.” “No it should be a cutting scene. With a knife, no an exacto-blade, no, a razor blade. Which part to cut the wrist, the ankle, the thigh…” “Are you ready, ready, ready for a miracle?”


A Manic Bipolar, Looking Crazy


Fast, frantic, and fragmented are the words of the manic day. Much of the above is muttered out loud as I walk across the grass making me look crazy. Yes, I understand the ridiculousness of that statement. A bipolar crazy. Imagine that. My body still has not recovered from the depression I'm coming out of though (p.s. that's why I haven't posted. I haven't done much of anything. sorry). I feel like I weigh 12,000 pounds. Not as bad as yesterday. Not as bad as the day before. Those not-as-bad-depression are the good things to think about.


Manias Are Paid for in Depressions


The bad thing to think about is the idea that, as a bipolar, for every moment that I spend manic I can expect to spend at least one corresponding moment depressed. And sometimes, that ratio is probably closer to 1:10 mania to depression. Although, I am irregular and I cycle a lot more quickly than other bipolars do, usually more manic than depressed. But I haven’t even gotten over the last depression yet. Right, a highly unpleasant thought.


Mania is not GOOD and depression is not BAD. They are just two sides of the bipolar coin, that can flip at any time.